January 10, 2012

Judge THIS, buddy.

Nico and I just stumbled upon Toddlers & Tiaras on TV.

It's sick.  It's gross because these girls are on average three years old (36 months if you're one of those parents who refuse to measure your kids age in years) and they look like they're 25 (300 months).

It's so gross because one mom literally fed her three year old soda and half a bag of Pixie Stix to pep her up because she, and I quote, "needed energy."  You terribly unfit mother,  that's baby-crack not energy!  Your child needs a nap, not simple carbohydrates that will shock her system and set her up for a terrible crash later.  I hope she crashes on stage, rips off her sequined cowgirl hat, flails about in a temper tantrum, flips the judges the bird and that you're banned from the pageant circuit for life.

Fittingly, the appearance of most of the parents on Toddlers & Tiaras is a disgrace; they're unkempt in oversized T-shirts with bad hair cuts and no makeup to speak of.  Maybe they should borrow some tinted moisturizer and mascara from their toddler.  She probably has some lip gloss too, you sicko.

The field of guidance counseling thrives off of anxiety ridden kids whose parents use them as minions to live the lives they wish lived.  Making your kid prance around in a bustier and false lashes at three just because you let yourself go and your parents never paid attention to you is disgusting.  Making your kid feel like a failure because they'll never matriculate to a top tier school due to a B minus average is pathetic and the same thing.

Those kids will never be kids.  Pageant toddlers learn what I hope Vienna doesn't learn till she's, well... till never; what it feels like to be judged merely on waist size and posture.  Likewise, students forced to be the students their 'helicopter' parents wished they were can never discover their own unique intellectual strengths.  They're consumed about how they're going to be judged.

This is why some people grow up to be uptight douche nozzles who snap on the road and kill someone in the middle of a four stop intersection.  This is why some girls feel like the only way to gain respect is by a lack of self respect.  Just skip the next meal and push out your ass a bit, they'll eventually like you.

Living vicariously through your kids is one thing.  When Vienna laughs and plays, I'm laughing and playing and when she's sad, I feel sad for her.  But turning her into the me I wish I was knowing what I know now would be unfair and unhealthy for her.  Toddlers & Tiaras.  More like Has-Been Parents and Trucker Hats.

Where's the class?

January 9, 2012

As Aunty-Mama, I have a duty...

It would be darling of you fabulous people that follow the Hot Mama to also look into my friend Elise's blog she created for her son and for other little nugget children living with epilepsy, Belief for Brennan.


Crafty as Elise is, she creates and sells beautiful purple bands and bracelets (purple is the designated color for epilepsy support) and all the proceeds go to the Tyler Foundation- a program to also support families and individuals with similar neurological prognoses.  Please check it out!!!  It's for a beautiful cause, and Pish would like to convey how important this is to her as Brennan's future wife.

We love you Brennan!

Thanks, people.


January 7, 2012

Next time, bring an umbrella...

I wrote an entry last week and I didn't publish it cause it sucked.

I don't even have to reread it to know this because fact is, I don't want to.  I wrote it last week, saved it for later editing and kept putting it off until today when I knew that I needed to somehow tackle what's been on my mind.

The thing is that it's been brought to my attention lately that where some people thought they'd be is not at all where they are.  Last week I came to the conclusion that it's because we aren't sufficiently equipped when we're young to make appropriate goals and life decisions that will sustain our happiness as we evolve as individuals.

I still believe that this is true.  But there's more to it than that and I didn't see it as clearly then as I do now.

Backtrack to two weeks ago when I caught up with my friend over the phone about her seemingly abrupt cross-continental decision.  I love her and it's a sound decision, but at one point I could almost see her shaking her head and shrugging her shoulders as she said "I just didn't think I'd be here now."  I intermittently sigh that thought out of my system and have felt the pit that's in her stomach.  I know what it's like to have made preemptive, seemingly wise choices in order to avoid coming to this realization and it blows for it to not have worked out so swimmingly.

But it's a set up.  If we think that we're ever going to be what our day dreams look like then we are always going to fail.  Don't get me wrong, if anyone wants something enough it is well within reach.  But even if we all managed to obtain and accomplish every one of our goals, we would still find ourselves every so often searching the dark bedroom ceiling for what it is we really need to just...  be...  satisfied.

It is ingrained in the cognitive structure of every typical human being to make sure that where we are is the best place to be.  And if it is not, then we unabashedly march ourselves right up to the fine line between lying down to play dead and making moves to make it better.  If we understood this perpetual trait in our formative years then we would be exactly where we thought we'd be.  Makin' moves.

For example, I got my masters for reasons that made sense at the time.  I was uninspired by my surroundings.  I was going through a hell of a time socially.  And I was at a professional standstill that I felt could only be redirected by a swift and expensive stroke of my intellectual ego.

We all know how well that worked out.

What's a masters and an impeccable transcript with no career of any substance to show for it?  To be honest, I gave up the job search when I found out I was pregnant.  I knew that even though I do have a heart for counseling and know that I'd do an authentic and invested job of caring about those kids, I refused to work full time and be away from my kid that much.  And it's also a highly coveted position in education.  So where did I find myself?  I found myself staring off into space thinking that I just couldn't believe that this is where I was after all I had done to avoid it.  But I never just lie down and play dead.  I make things happen.  I can make it rain.

No, it wasn't in my plan to have to make a "career change" without technically having a "career."  I wasn't where I thought I'd be, but that's because I thought I was supposed to know.  It's useless and futile to bitch about the hands we're dealt.  And I never want any of us become those people whose only real choice made is to be assholes cause we feel like victims of circumstance.  I'm going to try something new.  My friend's moving three thousand miles away.  What the what?

I feel a song coming on:

Too bad but it's the life you lead  
You're so ahead of yourself 
That you forgot what you need 
Though you can see when you're wrong, you know  
You can't always see when you're right. 

You've got your passion, you've got your pride 
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied? 
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true 
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you? 
-Billy Joel

Pish is my adorable daily reminder that we can never see life coming which is why I named her after this song.  And my latent brilliance is a daily reminder that I'll continually have to make moves to chart titillating and edifying paths for myself.  Life is like a weather report that we all know is an educated guess.  It may say sun, but it's always a possibility that it'll rain cold hard facts up in here. 

I literally got this fortune a few weeks ago.