May 21, 2012

United we stand!

To all the hot mamas of the world,

Happy BELATED mothers day!  You deserve[d] a day of leisure filled with spa appointments and mimosas.

What you'll probably get [got] is a few cute little gifts and well wishes and the same amount of dishes, diapers and laundry.  But it's your day!

Sneak five minutes away to read a chapter of Fifty Shades of Grey, why dontcha?  That's all the mother's day you'll need.  In five minutes you'll be 'wrapped up' in something new you didn't even know about.

Trust me.  That's how I spent my mother's day.  My poor, apologetic husband was laid flat on his glorious ass drippier than Vienna's typically runny... face.  (Why are kids so oozy?)  He woke up red, runny and assaulted by anything outside and alive.  One of the things I DON'T  have to complain about is allergies, and that boy has them in spades.  It was a gorgeous day  [remember??] and all I had hoped to do was walk around somewhere like Patriot Place and have a lunch date with my baby and baby daddy.  C'est la vie.

Plan B was play outside with Pish and begin to read Fifty Shades of Grey when she napped.  Mission accomplished.  And wow.  Me reading that book was not just for me.  Once Nico bounced back and the Allegra kicked in, he received a few fringe benefits as well.  I'll call said bennies his early father's day gift.  On father's day, I'm going to get my mother's day re-run.

Congrats to all the first time mamas of the world!!! Forgive my tardiness, but, you know... I'm a mom.  I'm busy...

...reading and having hot flashes.  Whew!  Hot isn't even the word for it.

GO BUY THE BOOKS.  Or do what I did and steal them from your mother cause you couldn't deal with how awkward it would be to borrow them face to face.

MWAH!




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